I planned to run the Brooke Hill Run for Awareness 5k this morning. I ate a healthy, light dinner. I got in bed early. I set out my Fleet Feet Racing uniform. I packed a change of clothes. I packed some post race nutrition. I set my alarm so that I would have time to register and do a full 3-4 mile warm up. I even visualized finishing strong in blistering heat. I had done all of the pre-race preparation (Well, except for the work on the track at 5k pace. Details.)
When the alarm went off this morning, I just did NOT want to race. I wanted to run, but I didn't want to race. I feel bad because I had told the race director, a friend and Fleet Feet team mate, that I would be there. Then I just wimped out. I don't really want to know how badly I'm out of shape, I guess. Racing a 5k would expose just how slow I am right now. I was really afraid that I wouldn't be able to break 22 minutes and that I might lose my breakfast trying to do that. I totally chickened out today. Call me a girl. Call me a coward. I'm not proud of that.
Instead, I slept an extra hour and then hit the road from my house and ran a 16 miler. The schedule called for 17 with 8 at MP. HAH! There was just no way possible to pull that off in today's heat. I ran 16, and barely held on to an 8:20 pace at the end. I was drenched in sweat, miserable, tired, hot, and discouraged after today's run. I know that sounds negative, so I'll follow that up with this. I'm glad I ran and I enjoyed seeing all the people I saw. I mixed up the route a bit and saw some old sights from a new perspective. (I've lived around Athens for 36 of my 38 years. There are no new sights for me!) It was a good run, but my body was ready to stop long before the run was over.
I guess my expectations are not realistic right now. I decided to compare my runs this year with my runs at the same time last year. I was quite amazed to find that my times, distances, and paces are nearly identical! I'm marginally faster this year, by less than 10 seconds per mile. The big difference? It's been consistently 10 to 15 degrees warmer for most of those runs this year! (Yes, I am a nerd that logs the temperature, relative humidity, and wind speed during my runs. So, that's not a subjective "it's hotter this year". It has really been hotter this year.) So, I just need to stop complaining and thinking negatively and take what the weather gives me. It's time to not be discouraged any more. It's past time to start believing that I can accomplish my goals.